Yeah, I know. I haven't posted in half a decade. But during this free time I've totally seen Pirates of The Caribbean 3 more times! JOHNNY DEPP, PLEASE CALL ME.
So great news today! I got a freaking job. Hells yes. You are reading the decidedly inappropriate blog of the Assistant Branch Manager and Children's Librarian for A Library That Shall Remain Nameless in a County That Shall Also Remain Nameless. Protect the innocent and all that.
I'm SO excited. I mean...it's totally perfect. And I've already decided that I'm going to have an International Talk Like A Pirate Day even where all the kids come and dress like pirates and we make pirate names and do a pirate craft and read pirate books. It will be PI-RADICAL! Heh. Ahem.
And now I'll have money. And I can go to the doctor. I'm sure at this point I have like...scabies or am heading into Kidney failure because I haven't had health insurance for so long.
In other news-Inner Bride is currently staging a hostile take over. She's somehow gotten wind of the fact that I have a dress fitting this week and is forcing me to consume at least three mugs of hot lemon water a night. See the lemon? For all you future bulimics out there, is a natural diuretic. So I have literally been peeing more than an 87 year old. But FLUSH IT OUT BABY! FLUSH THEM POUNDS AWAY! She also made me buy a push up bra because for some reason she believes that the more fabric that's over my breasts, the less that's over my gut. Whatever.
OH! And P-Freaking-S?! How was this not the first thing I typed?! I. AM. DONE. WITH. LIBRARY. SCHOOL.
HAHAHAHAHAHA! (Imagine that that laugh was just like the laugh that Ray Liotta has in "Field of Dreams" when he says "Ty Cobb wanted to play but we all hated the bastard when he was alive so we told him to GO STICK IT!" because that's like exactly the laugh I'm going for-minus the creepy, blue, vapid, empty, soulless, Ray Liotta eyes.)
It was so anti-climatic though because my last assignment was just so blah and easy and so meh. Oh wait. SO WAS THE REST OF LIBRARY SCHOOL. Means to an end. Means to an end. And my degree totally gets MAILED to me. Hilarious. I mean, Masters Degrees via USPS. I like. Also? It's Shark Week on the Discovery Channel. Just so you know.