I used to think "Low" by Cracker said that. They say "junkie COSMONAUT". But I used to be all, that's so cool that Cracker hates drugs.
So today? Saturday. Me? At work. And hungover. No more red wine and Little Debbie Oatmeal Pies for me EVER AGAIN. And by "hungover" I mean "completely nauseous in every way and in desperate need of french fries." And yet, I am forced to stare at this computer screen at the reference desk ALL DAY. With no french fries.
So Pita, here is a CrAndy update just for you. First, let me describe him. He is tall...ish. He is probably in his mid-40s. He has shoulder length stringy brown hair (that flows behind him as he sprints through the library...he's like a speed walker or something) with a bald spot on the top and a beard. He has a big round belly which he likes to clutch warmly in a Santa-type way when he's looking adoringly at KnuffleBunny. Adoringly or scarily. It's a fine line. It is 11:04 AM and we have been open for approximately 1 hour. CrAndy has already been in and out twice. He has been wearing the SAME Three Stooges t-shirt since Thursday. This makes me nervous, seeing as CrAndy is normally a compulsive shirt changer. Is this some sign of the end of the world? Is CrAndy planning to open fire? But perhaps the most important question is, where on EARTH do you get a Three Stooges t-shirt? Because, this shirt looks new. Maybe THAT'S why he's been wearing it since Thursday. He's proud of it.Vomit.
Curse you Little Debbie. You and your snack cakes.
ETA: I just had to add to this little post. Seeing as how NOW it's 4:15...same day. I am 45 minutes away from the fresh air outside. But Jesse, you might be asking, why do you need fresh air? Well because on this woeful Day of the Persistent Hangover That Cannot Be Cured Even By An Emergency Delivery of Fried Rice, my normally smelly co-worker has kicked it into overdrive. Imagine if you will, having a classic Red Wine hangover. It's literally? The busiest day I've ever seen at the library. We are short staffed by one person. The heat is on even though it's 75 degrees in the building. Stinkbrarian is literally reeking so awfully of body odor that I can smell her when she isn't even in the same room. She leaves a aura of stink. I have almost tossed cookies at least 5 times today. I keep putting hand sanitizer all over my hands and arms and then just holding my fingers under my nose to try and dull the STENCH. Hey! FREAKING WEAR DEODORANT. Where you raised by WOLVES? Hippies? GAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGG.