So, I went to WhiteWater with some pals right? You should know something about me and theme parks. I rarely do well. The water park is really the only place you can take me where I will enjoy myself. I have this weird thing...like, I am terrified of that feeling you get when you go up and down really fast? That stomach dropping type feeling? Yeah. I'm paralyzed with fear of that. Hence why I do not go on roller coasters. Or anything steep for that matter. And like, when I get scared? Like, really REALLY scared? I become insane. For example:
Many moons ago I went to our neighborhood carnival with Pita and a few more of our buds. We get on this thing called the Spider...you know it's like these little things you sit in and they spin around and go up and down? I'm thinking because it's spinney? I'll be cool. Well we're on this thing, and I become so terrified, that I TRY TO CLIMB OUT OF IT. While it is moving. My friend had to sit on top of me to prevent me from hurling myself to my death.
Well, at WhiteWater, I all wait on line for a slide that looks fairly manageable. But as we get up to the top, I began to become terrified. And I'm all...
Me: Lurrrver17, I don't want to go anymore.
Lurrrver17: You're going.
Me: No, seriously. I don't want to.
Lurrrver17: You? Are going down this slide.
Me: (getting in the water at top of slide) Really. I'm freaking out.
Lurrrver17: You're going to be fine. Go.
Me: No way.
And then? Lurrrver17? PUSHED ME DOWN THE SLIDE. Yep. That lunatic little rogue monkey just PUSHED me down the slide. And you guys? I seriously went down this thing spread eagle. Like my arms were dragging down the side of the slide in a very, very, pathetic attempt to slow myself down.
It did not work.
Finally, my brain managed to get the "HOLD YOUR NOSE" thought through to my limbs and I just flew down this freakin' Slide of Death like a champ. I mean there were points where I was going so fast that my body was no longer actually touching the slide. I plow into the water in the most awkward and painful way possible, and rise up from the depths to find SeeStephGo, who had been waiting at the bottom for us, laughing hysterically at me. Along with the rest of the crowd.
SeeStephGo: Oh my GOD! Dude. You looked so hilarious coming down that slide. Everybody down here was laughing at you!
Me: That's awesome.
And you guys? Like, I am so effing scared? That I SWEAR I can actually SEE my heart pumping through my chest. My hands are shaking and I have so much fucking water up my nose that I'm breathing through my mouth. Oh, and then there's of course the awkward Post-Slide-Bathing-Suit-Adjustment that everybody looks so sexy doing.
Finally, the rest of the crew makes it down the World's Most Horrifying Slide, and they are STILL laughing at me.
Lurrrver17: Oh my GOD! Everyone up there was making so much fun of you! HAHAHA! And the lifeguard was like 'she's going to be ok, right?' and I was all 'YEAH! She's fine!' HAHHAHAHA!
Me: You are dead to me. Seriously. Dead. Like, I'm writing your obituary in my head right now.
The rest of the day was much fun of course...except when me and SeeStephGo had to go around the Lazy River like 23 times while the other peeps went on some death wish called "The Tornado". Seriously, if I never see that Lazy River again, it will be too soon.
In totally unrelated news? I know I don't need to tell you, but go and see "The Dark Knight." Initially, I was really uncomfortable with the notion of seeing this film in the movie theatre. I knew that I was going to be really emotional because of Heath Ledger, and I was afraid I may like...overreact in the theatre. BUT, while I did sob at first sight of him, his performance is so mind blowingly awesome and convincing, I soon forgot I was watching the man, and I was merely watching The Joker. This film is one of the best I have ever seen. Every actor is at the top of his game, the storyline is dark and haunting, and it was just great to watch. My only beef? Maggie Gyllenhaal. Like what the hell. Could she BE anymore...irritating? I mean, first of all, somebody tell her to stand up straight. I mean, wtf. She also has a Home-Plate face. She had literally been on screen for all of one scene and I was like "Oh my GOD. I hate her more than I hated Katie Holmes. I didn't even know that was possible. That I could feel that much hate for no reason whatsoever." BUT! I would literally pay 10 more dollars to go see it again. Then I would movie hop to see it again after that. Then I would pay $4.99 to get it OnDemand. Then I would buy the DVD.