So, as many of you may know, this year is the bicentennial of Abe Lincoln's birth. So, we totally have a display up of book about Honest Abe, here in the LibraryPublique. So this lady is thumbing through the books on the display yesterday and she's all...
AbeTastic: Do you know offhand if any of these is more popular than any of the others?
Me: Well, not off-hand but...
AbeTastic: No. No. That's not quite what I'm looking for. Maybe something a little less...true.
Me: Um. They're biographies.
AbeTastic: Do you have you know...any GOSSIPY books about Lincoln?
AbeTastic: It's for a book club. You know how women are!
Vapid? Shallow? Ignorant? Thanks for selling us all short lady. But here ya go, here's "The Insanity File: The Case of Mary Todd Lincoln". Have at it.
Like seriously. Why bother pretending you're doing something culturally relevant by reading a book about Lincoln on his bicentennial. Just read fucking Alone on the Plantation with a Sexy Southern Gentleman or Duchess TightCorset and the Pirate Chieftain, or Susie Amish and the Rugged Stranger Cowboy, or some shit like that.
And those books DO exist. Trust me.
Speaking of HAWTTTT, Babs was sharing a wee problem she has with me on out carpool to work this morning.
Apparently, the old dudes? The active retirees if you will? Have a thing for Babs. Not that it's not understandable, girl is FIIINNNE. But what is rather disturbing, is that for some reason, the over 60s are emboldened by Babs' very presence and choose to actually HIT on her. TO MACK ON BABS. Like waving and saying things like "I love a woman who can bake" as she reaches for Baking Chocolate at the grocery store...or even going so far as to ASK HER TO DINNER in the public library. Yes. A patron, who had previously let Babs know that he was retired and spent every morning going to McDonald's to have coffee and read the paper, actually asked Babs to have dinner with him. What Babs said:
Babs: No. I will not have dinner with you. I will not rush to make the early bird special at Piccadilly so that you can get home in time to watch "Are You Being Served" on PBS.
Ok. Well that's what she said to ME. But it's pretty spot on.