Or so says a particular CraigsList ad.
So, I feel the need to share some of the quotes from this meeting I attended today. It is to remind you that there are some kickin' librarians out there that are actually funny, smart, and literate, and who give a crap about teens reading good books. So, this meeting is between a bunch of public and school librarians, and we are selecting from a list of 80 books, the top 20 books for teens...in our opinion. So it's this big, sometimes passionate, discussion about the various merits and sucktasticness of these titles. And I wanted to share some of my favorite one-liners:
"It's just another fat girl book."
Lib1: Are the conversations with Jesus going to be a problem?
Lib2: I'm a Jew, and I didn't mind them.
Lib3: Wait. Jesus was in this book?
"There are BETTER fluffy books."
"It was a good lesbian book, but other than that..."
"How about a book about a Korean Lesbian Fat Zombie?"
"It's kind of Ferris Bueller's Day Off for a 21st Century semi-anesthetized crowd."
"No. It's a different kind of dirty.That has 12 year olds having sex with old people."
"Too many fat girl books, too many pedophile books."
"It's a little British."
"I don't think it would DISSUADE anyone from criminal mischief."
"Safe? Is not."
"It has Jesus as a samurai!"
Also you guys? I cannot emphasize enough how BUSY the library has been. Like crazy, mad busy. Like holy economic crisis Batman. So you have to imagine that there are literally crowds of people in here...like at least 100 at a time...with not nearly enough staff or computers to serve them. So there's a ton of depressed, unemployed, bitter folk just crammed up in here....and this woman has a screaming...SCREAMING toddler that she has just like abandoned. Like she's on the computer doing whatever, while her child rolls around on the floor screaming and crying. And it is LOUD. Like horrifying. So, my boss goes over to her and is all, ma'am you're going to have to step outside with your child until she calms down, it's very disruptive, blah blah. The lady says "yeah, yeah, sure."
Does not leave.
Toddler? Still screaming bloody murder.
She is asked again to go.
Does not leave.
Then, our police officer friend, OfficerBookFace, who periodically stops in to make sure we're not being beaten/stabbed/spit on, etc., comes into the back staff room and mimes beating the ScreamingBabyMom with his night stick as well as dousing her in pepper spray.
It? Was pretty much the best thing ever.
So, at that point, me AND OfficerBookFace go over to ScreamingBabyMom and are like "YOU NEED TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE LADY."
ScreamingBabyMom: Can't I just finish what I'm doing?
ScreamingBaby: AHHHHHH! WAHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Me: You can lock your computer, take her out into the lobby and calm her down. Then you can come back in and finish what it is your working on.
ScreamingBabyMom: I can't calm her down!
ScreamingBabyMom: I don't have anyone to keep her! She's not going to calm down! She NEEDS to go HOME!
Me: Yes. Exactly. I AGREE.
ScreamingBabyMom: So I'm just going to finish what I'm doing.
Like, WHAT? Like...because you don't have a babysitter, and YOU cannot calm your own child down....everyone else is just expected to endure this so you can fucking use the interwebs? Like...what the....I CANNOT EVEN UNDERSTAND HOW PEOPLE THINK THIS WAY.
Me: You have five minutes.
Plus? She was pregnant. Like, good fucking luck with number two there Mommie Dearest.