So, me and Lurrrver17 totally carpool to rehearsals right? So I'm driving him home from rehearsal and I'm all "I NEED TO STOP FOR FROZEN YOGURT" and I insist that there's a TCBY on the way home.
Yeah. There's not.
So, anyway...Lurrrver17's all "We can stop at ChocolateCandyPalaceofChocolate!" and I'm all "Hells to the yeah." So we go into this store, and we are the ONLY people in there. We go straight for the yogurt counter and....NO YOGURT!
SmallBusinessOwner:(with enthusiasm) HEY GUYS!!!!!
SBO: WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU TODAY!?!?!
Me: Um...we were looking for some frozen yogurt or ice cream.
SBO: (heaving a sigh of total devastation) Oh. Sorry. We're all out.
Me: ARE YOU SERIOUS?!
SBO: Well, we kept buying it and buying it and it would keep going bad. We haven't had any customers you see.
SBO: I mean, yesterday we only had an 8 dollar day. And the store next door? They had a ZERO dollar day...
And you guys? He just starts launching into all his economical woes, like in this totally heartfelt and passionate way....and like Lurrrver17 and I are just like...WTF?! Like open mouth staring, like what the hell do we even SAY?! I mean seriously? Dude was CHOKED THE FUCK UP!
Lurrrver17: Well...best of luck to you.
SBO: (with renewed enthusiasm) WHAT?!
Lurrrver17: Um...best of luck? To you?
SBO: (deflated) Oh. Thanks.
Like, he clearly thought Lurrrver17 was about to make an offer to buy every piece of candy in the store. Or the store itself.
Which would've been awesome. Because then I would make him let me be co-owner and Official Candy Taster and we could wear matching hats and aprons and sing catchy songs and have kitten races where you could like bet on a kitten and then when your kitten wins you would get like your face on a cake or something...holding the kitten.
It's a good dream.
So as we're walking out I'm like "OMG. Should I have bought something?!?! Should I have bought EVERYTHING?!?! I didn't want him to think I was pity purchasing! OH GOD ECONOMY WHYYY!"
And Lurrrver17 and I are just sort of astounded that the guy just totally unloaded all that on us...and I'm thinking that I SWEAR this kind of shit does NOT happen to anybody else.
That boy? Magnet for trouble.
And JUST so you're all aware, I myself AM NOT ACTUALLY GOOGLE. So, people of the world, I cannot keyword search my brain for information on any subject EVER, INCLUDING but NOT LIMITED TO, the mileage between to random points, your voting district, what you're yahoo password is, what the title us of that movie about kung-fu with that guy in it, every author of every book ever written ever, how to start your own medical claims billing home business, OR, how to file for divorce.