So, last night, Lurrrver17 and family were kind enough to have me and SeeStephGo over for Passover Seder. I haven't been to a Seder since 4thGradeBestie had me over to her house and her dad yelled at us for chatting up the prophet Elijah.
It seemed rude to ignore a guest!
Anyhow! Seder at the LurrrverHouse!
I will begin by saying that it was one of the happiest, warmest most delightful evenings I have ever spent. I am touched and grateful that they chose to include me in this.
It was also HILARIOUS. Much of the hilarity at Lurrrver17's expense, which made it even MORE wonderful.
So, let me set the scene....
At the head of our table is LurrrverDad. I'm on his left hand side, and LurrrverMom on his right hand side. Next to LurrrverMom is Lurrrver17 and across from him and next to me is SeeStephGo.
Coco the dog observes from under the table.
Ok, so we're doing the Seder thing and taking turns reading and all that...and because I'm the MOST SPECIAL, LurrrverDad gives ME the honor of reading his FAVORITE story.
And I freakin' KILLED it, if I do say so myself.
Matzoh was hidden. SeeStephGo found it and won MOVIE TICKETS. Freaking MOVIE TICKETS! I got a consolation prize of hazelnut chocolate, which was FINE by me.
So, you know, LurrrverMom is having a couple of cup fulls of wine, and starts to get a little chatty. So as we're at the break in the ceremony eating dinner, she starts talking about Sister17, and SeeStephGo makes some comment about not knowing exactly how old Sister17 is...
LurrrverMom: Well, it would depend on what I.D. she's using.
SeeStephGo: Yeah, I did see her fake one.
LurrrverDad: Wow. Thanks for confirmation on that.
Me: Oh jeez.
SeeStephGo: She said she knew! LurrrverMom said she KNEW!
LurrrverDad: Well, we suspected, but we didn't have confirmation until now.
SeeStephGo: THIS IS ENTRAPMENT! You tricked me!
Me: :::stares at plate::::
Lurrrver17: :::wide-eyed smile:::
Ok, so then I try to change the subject by telling a WONDERFUL story of Sister17's sweetness....
Me: HEY! You know what Sister17 did for me? She wrote me this awesome letter...
LurrrverDad: I really enjoy how you went into your stage voice just then. I liked that.
LurrrverDad: Your stage voice. To change the subject.
Me: HOW DO YOU SEE INTO MY SOUL?
Ok, so more laughter, more chatting...more consumption of wine by LurrrverMom...and before we knew it she's going on about Lurrrver17 and going to the "Love Shack" which is this porno store, and LurrrverDad is all making cracks about they need to make sure that THEIR video isn't there by the time Lurrrver17 goes...
And you guys? I am just like LOSING my shit at this point. Because Lurrrver17 is stressed out beyond belief thinking that we're going to be embarrassed, and I am getting SO MUCH JOY out of watching him squirm, and so much amusement at how delightful his family is when...
LurrrverMom:....and remember last year when we had to yell at Lurrrver17 all the time for looking at porn on the internet?
And then, SeeStephGo and I completely LOST IT. I mean, I was laughing SO HARD that I was out of breath. And poor, poor, poor, dear Lurrrver17 is just red-faced, clutching his head in his hands.
Oh. OH it was so amazing.
Best moment. Ever. Truly. Like can you IMAGINE?
I mean, I have dissolved into hysterics right now AGAIN just typing it.
Ok, so we get on with the ceremony and there's the letting in of Elijah...
Lurrrver17: (with determined authority)SEESTEPHGO. Will you PLEASE COME OUTSIDE AND LET ELIJAH IN WITH ME?!
Outside, he proceeds to apologize to SeeStephGo for his Mom's tipsy-ness.
SeeStephGo does NOT mind. Moreover, REMEMBER WHEN WE HAD TO YELL AT YOU FOR LOOKING AT INTERNET PORN?
Oh. It's like out of frackin' MOVIE or something!
So, after dinner and the ceremony are concluded we all went downstairs to play Poker, and PrincessSean even came over late to hang with us.
And we start teasing Lurrrver17 about texting his ex-girlfriend, who we had like 100 nicknames for. Not in a mean way...see she had a really unique name, and we couldn't remember it, EVER. So one time, SeeStephGo and I were trying to remember it and she said "God, it's something that sounds like 'Prairie Dog'!" and that was the beginning of the end. She became known as anything from Prairie Dog to Panda Bear to Pyewacket.
LurrrverDad found this immensely amusing, saying that he never bothers to learn the names of Lurrrver17's girlfriends because he always has a new one. Rather, he refers to them as numbers until Lurrrver17's been with them for 6 months or more.
Lurrrver17 chimed in at this point saying that his current girlfriend has a great nickname without any help.
LurrrverMom: The Big "O"!
LurrrverMom: WAIT! How does my son even KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?!?!
Yet more laughing.
Well, with a girlfriend with that nickname...all I can say is...good luck with that there chief.