So, Friday night, I had like 4 missed calls from an unknown number. Then? At 4:15 AM "Unknown" calls again. THEN IMMEDIATELY CALLS AGAIN. So that freaking time? I answer.
Ten minutes later I receive a text message from "Unknown" that says the following:
Im sorry i write the rong number im from Honduras my name alex sorry. Have a nice dream with the angels.
Why THANK YOU Alex from Honduras. What.The.Hell.
Also, there is this lady that has been coming in who is killing me. She is like super skinny, probably in her late 40s...like literally made up only of bone, muscle and sinew. She wears GIANT flip flops and walks at like super speed. And she is ALWAYS FRANTIC. The first time she comes in, she wants to use a computer. What the hell else is new. And she's like:
OnSpeed: INEEDTOUSEACOMPUTER. HowdoIuseacomputer? Ineedtogetonawebsite...acertainwebsitei'mlookingfor. How how how howhwowhowhowhwowhw.
Me: Uh. Right.
So I put her on the computer.
Like 5 seconds later she's back at the desk.
OnSpeed: I'mtryingtogetonawebsite. AlpharettaSingles.com I NEED ALPHARETTA SINGLES. Helpmehelpmehelpmehelpme!
So I go over there and she is literally just typing the following into the internet address bar "alpharettasingles".
So I teach her how to google. AMAZING.
So now she's back with some frequency and every time she is here she is frantic. And every time she is here, she can't do shit. And she's flip flopping around in her GIANT flip flops all flustered and shouting from parts removed about "INEEDTOCHECKMYEMAILEMAILEMAIL!!!!!!!! HOW CAN I PRINT.INEEDTOPRINTCANIPRINTMORETHANONEPAGEPRINTPRINTPRINTPRINT!!!!"
She also talks to herself. CONSTANTLY. I want her to explode.
Also, this other guy? Just came up to the desk and was like "Are you having any problems with the computers that you're aware of?"
Listen D-Bag. Just TELL ME what kind of PROBLEM you are having at the COMPUTER rather than forming some vague fucking question and wasting both of our TIME. Because honestly? I could wax poetic on fucking computer problems I'm aware of for the next HOUR.
How is this my life?