Ok. So I had this epic plan of keeping a daily journal in England right? And then like, I would just post those daily journals everyday for a week on this blog.
No. That didn't work. My daily EnglandJournal turned into dates, and a list of bulleted reminders...which included the following:
WaggleDance at COCKFOSTERS!
Kings Arms, wilting cigarette.
The Globe-River of Blood.
Soulless Julius Caesar
Don't get in Ophelia's Boat!
"Pardon me sir, but you're not speaking with any consonants." "WHUAH?"
"Do you know Mickey Rourke? You know what he did? He's a fuckin' boxer man, a boxer! Don't give up on your dreams...do what you dream!"
Johnny Depp at New Theatre in 2010, think of scurvy, think of pirates, think of Johnny.
"I've sent my boy with a sample of my water!"
"At some point it became about protecting the fries."
Absinthe-licorice on fire.
....and the list goes on. But, to sum up...if you are my FB friend you can look at all the amazing pictures. If not...imagine if you will the best 12 days of my nerdy, NERDY, tudor history/shakespeare obsessed life.
It was a surreal experience, which I will never, never forget. What a delight. I spent much of the trip crying because I was so overwhelmed. One of the other students asked why this was, and the only way I could describe it was by saying that actually being at these places I'd studied, loved, read about...was like reaching out and touching a thought...holding a dream in your hand.
Powerful shit dudes.
So sorry it has taken me so long to get back on track, but as soon as I got back it was IMMEDIATELY back to work, and then I got HAMTHRAX.
No. Not really....just bronchitis.
But it would've been WAY more interesting if I was all "OMG I HAVE PORK SNUFFLES."
So, I am slowly but surely recovering.
However, the library crazies wait for no one.
My second day back, we had a new crazy lady come in. She also was the victim of a bad weave.
So she comes in, and wants to get on a computer. But before she can do this, she goes up to the circulation desk and DEMANDS everyone's name. Let me paint a picture for you:
It's 10AM and we have literally just opened. She plows in, bad weave, in a patterned mu-mu and flip flops, carrying a giant dirty bag full of papers and folders. She stomps up to the circulation desk and starts demanding people's names. First and last.
Now, as government employees we are mandated to give out our name if we are asked, unless the person appears threatening. So one staffer is all "um, why do you need my name?"
BadWeave: I WILL SUBPOENA YOU! I WILL SUBPOENA YOU FOR YOUR NAME. I'm an ATTORNEY. Call! CALL THE DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE. They'll know! You can ask THEM why I need your name!
So she continues to act up, shouting down the length of the library...
BadWeave: REFERENCE! REFERENCE! It is not recognizing my number.
Then Babs has to get involved as she happens to be in charge on this day, because the lady is like continually demanding people's names.
And BadWeave like whips a dirty ass notebook out of her dirty ass bag with like all sorts of phone numbers in it saying that Babs needs to call the Justice Department and THEY will know why she needs all our names. She also told Babs that she was an attorney...
BadWeave: I'm an attorney. ANNE. ANNE EINSTEIN. Like ALBERT.
So of course, Babs looks her up....not an attorney.
And the phone number she gave for the Justice Department was in fact to the head of the continuing education department.
So she's all belligerent but manages to be UnCrazy enough to get on her email (which is more than can be said for many perfectly sane library patrons) and then leaves.
She is then found in the parking lot writing down every single license plate number.
Then, she comes back in, sits by the trash can and rips all her papers up into tiny pieces and throws them away.
Said papers? COVERED IN LICENSE PLATE NUMBERS.
I mean, like I get it. Crazies. They can't help it.
But like, we are not TRAINED to deal with mentally ill people. Like this woman was going APESHIT. I mean what is she just lost it and pulled out her weave and threw it at Babs? Like who knows dude. But all I know is that I went to school to help people research and design library collections. I did NOT go to school to learn how to diffuse mentally ill folks who ride the marta line up and down all day spreading the crazy.